I've been in the process of getting married for a while now. I proposed in December, applied for a Fiancee Visa in February. About 2 weeks later I got my first Notice of Action (NOA). The entire content of which can be summed up as "Thanks for the $500."

Since then, and let me be clear it has been 6 months since the application, our case status hadn't changed. Well, until a couple weeks ago that is. I received a piece of mail from the US Customs and Immigration Service (USCIS). "This is great!" I thought, "Finally the next step is here!" Upon opening the letter I find a page from my part of the application which a red circle around a box that had been left unchecked. Several things made me frustrated and disappointed at this point. First of all, I had made a stupid flub and had forgotten to check the box when I submitted the application. Second, I was angry that the USCIS case status website and telephone information service had failed to inform me of this. On a complete coincidence I had just checked on the case status the previous day, as we were getting anxious about the information blackout. The post mark on the envelope was from a week previous. Thanks for this.

To balance out the frustration this was certainly confirmation that they had indeed looked at our application. Additionally we surmised that this was probably the only mistake/omission on the application, and that we should see progress soon. So not 100% bad.

Today I woke up and checked my email.

"neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeews!" from Aiko. Oh? "They sent approval for our petition last Friday! Check out the case status online. Ho, ho, hoooooooooooooooo :)"

Approval is awesome. This certainly not the last step, but it certainly is the beginning of the end. So the coveted NOA2 is on its way to my house signaling the final stretch for this protracted engagement. I still don't have an answer for everyone asking "When is Aiko coming to the States?" but I can at least let you know we're closer.

So the thing is that people seem to have this pressing desire to go to Japan. I certainly have felt that many times, but recently not so much.

I don't have that pit in my stomach sending me into day dreams like I used to have. I think, and I've said this on occasion, I've done everything I've really wanted to in Japan; my top ten list is completely marked off. Without that drive to see and experience the new I don't have this urge that I used to have. I'd be happy to go to Japan again, I know I'd fit in fine if I lived there, but its not a goal any more. I conquered that when I did study abroad.

Study abroad in Japan for me was an overarching theme for me ever since I visited Ian while he was studying in Tokyo. I wanted that life. When I got turned down for UW, I basically put that dream away and focused on finishing school. It was thrust back upon me when my parents slapped me out of my funk and told me to go apply since WSU has some good opportunities. I applied, got in, and lived the dream. Now it’s no longer a goal.

Toward the end my time at ICU I became really indifferent to class work, after all I wasn't there to study. I was afraid this attitude was going to affect how I dealt with my last year at WSU, since the major goal spurring me towards achievement (life in Japan) was done.

I got a new goal rather quickly however. Well, it'd be more accurate to say I turned my focus to an already existing goal. After an unexpected rush of tears when it came time to leave Aiko and start the boarding process at Narita, I decided right there what my next year was going to look like.

From the moment she disappeared from view, I decided I was going to propose the next time she came to the states. We had been talking about this for a while, and I had even thought through what the game plan would look like if I proposed before I left Japan. But, as now everyone knows, I put my sights on December for the proposal.

A proposal in December means that paper work gets started in January, and that the whole process leads to Fall or Winter when we would get married. A timetable that allowed me to finish school, find work (Oh God please), and start transitioning before she arrived.

I left Japan knowing I can always come back, I've proven that. I also left Japan knowing that this would be one of the last times Aiko and I would have to separate. Perhaps, because of these two understandings, the country doesn't hold the same power over me anymore.

To be perfectly honest, I’m in a state of panic. The realization didn’t occur until last Wednesday, and when it hit, it was quick and like a shot. I tried to fall asleep, but was unable to do so for hours. My mind started racing with all the things that will happen in the next month (ICU ends), and the 2 after that.

I am going to be a wreck come July. I basically say goodbye to everything that has sustained me on a daily basis all in one shot. No dorm, no campus, no friends, everything gone. This of course excludes my wonderful girlfriend, from whom I have no intention of leaving. I will cry, I will cry a lot.

The major outline of my remaining time is almost completely set now. June is finals, dorm graduation ceremony, dorm camping trip (my first and final act as Vice Dorm President), and then moving out of the dorm entirely. By the end of June all but one or two JLP students will have returned to their countries. After spending a week or so getting my affairs in order, I will embark on a 2-week nonstop tour of places I still have never been. Unfortunately I think Okinawa is not in the cards, but Sapporo is definitely on my list. In fact a lot of things will look familiar from Jeff’s trip since he went places I’ve been looking at for a while.

Returning from this trip, either exhausted or energetic beyond reason, I will spend 4-6 days preparing for the Rock in Japan Festival. 3 days of the best Japanese bands currently playing. This is my coup de grace. It takes place way out in the middle of nowhere, and if all goes according to plan I will be camping with close to 1000 other rock lovers from across the nation.

The final week is a complete mystery. Tristan comes in on the 5th (the final Festival day) and will be in Tokyo for a few days at most. There will also be heavy emotional baggage to deal with before I board the plane. I told Aiko when I got here, if we make it through this year, we’re going to make it forever. This was based on the fact that we’d never had this much time together before, so if we could deal with problems we’d have it made. I think I said it a year too soon however. If we can keep it together after I go back to the states that will be a testament. I don’t doubt that we will work through it; if anything long distance is our specialty.

Which brings us to August 14th which is a mere 2 weeks short of doing a proper 365, but it's a fair effort you have to admit. As much as I will miss certain things about this country, I have missed everyone more over the past year much more. I can’t wait to come home, but I can’t bear to leave.

I have been sick for over a month now. Since finals week of last quarter I haven’t been able to kick the constant barrage of bacterial infection, colds, flues, viruses, sinus infections and bronchitis that have hit me literally one after the other for the past 5 weeks straight. I will feel fine for a couple days and then suddenly I will get a fever, or a violent cough or whatever. Before going to Hong Kong, I checked with a doctor about some swollen tonsils I had and I was given antibiotics. The week I was on those drugs was the week I felt the best.

I have literally no idea what is causing this. I have changed my habits radically so as to try and combat this influx of germs but nothing including excessive hand washing, twice daily multivitamins, alcohol abstention, and smoke avoidance has made a shred of difference.

I have a few theories. My body is finally rejecting Japan, particularly its crappy spring weather which fluctuates between winter storms and summer heat within a few hours. The second theory is that I now live in a “sick room.” This all started happening after I moved to the new room, maybe there is something in the paint down here? Its an otherwise clean room, and in between days when I cannot get out of bed I try to tidy up as much as possible. I could just randomly be getting the bugs on my up swing from the previous debilitating infection. The timing coinciding so perfectly that the germs enter my body and start multiplying just moments before the immune system has fully recovered.

At any rate, what was a mere killjoy during my practically completely obliterated month long spring vacation has now become a serious threat to my “purpose” for being here. I had to skip class Friday morning because I had thrown up the night previous and was unable to fall asleep until the wee, weeeeeee hours of the morning. If I can’t go to class its basically game over. I feel like I’m getting jacked out of time I could be doing stuff other than lying on my back not sleeping because of a fever, or unable to attend meetings and parties because I’m coughing up a lunch or the previously ineffective smoke might suddenly inflame my bronchial tree. I get pissed at myself for spending too much time in front of my computer as it is, if I’m not even going to class, what is the point of even being here. This is pretty ridiculous.

I would like to relate an uncanny tale of Internet tomfoolery and real life.

This story probably begins in mid to late 2003. I had become increasingly interested in Mitani Koki, an extremely talented Japanese playwright who has parlayed success into film. Upon searching on the Internet for information and what not, I came across the diary of a girl who was studying at a University in Tokyo I had never heard of before, one “International Christian University.” She too had a passion for Mitani Koki’s work, and additionally, I thought her life made for a pretty interesting read. She, as a foreigner, was finishing (or at the time may have already finished) her studies at ICU as a regular September entry student. These facts meant nothing to me at the time, but as you can well imagine, hold weird and powerful meaning to me now.

I read this diary, and looked that pictures until she stopped posting, which based on the current state of that diary, was probably January of 2004. During the life of that diary, she had posted many things about life at ICU, some pictures, and even a virtual tour of the campus. In this campus tour there are three incredible pictures. The first is a picture of the Main classroom building, Honkan. The picture depicts the building as it was before an extra layer of bricks was put on the outside as part of its general remodeling.

The second is a picture of the wheelchair ramp to the administration building. This is interesting because ever since I arrived on campus, and saw that ramp and the building for the first time, I had thought it looked familiar. On this diary she notes that it was used as the entrance for the library in the Japanese drama “Beautiful Life,” a drama I not only watched, I showed at Clark back in those days. This blows my mind.

But beyond this, as luck would have it, there is a picture of none other than First Men’s Dorm. I was absolutely awestruck when I saw it today. I could not believe that I had seen 3 or 4 years ago, the place I would be spending my life at ICU so many years later. I am in that building right now. In the picture, which must have been taken in spring or summer, there is a beautiful line of bushes, a few very large trees, and grass. These things do not exist today. I am unsure if they will return in a few months, but signs point to no.

The experiences she had when entering ICU for the first time are the exact same experiences students still have when coming here. Her sense of the division between the OYR and the Regular students is just as true now as it was then (this is a perennial intercultural issue at ICU). Additionally her experiences in those first months mirror the experiences I have seen my September student friends have in the past few months. This place is an unending cycle.

The only reason I had rediscovered this site at all is because at 2 am last night, while my mind was racing through so many thoughts, I was reminded of a diary I used to read, about a girl who went to ICU and liked Mitani Koki. Stunning powers of the mind and the Internet.

I believe that my first impressions of ICU, as vague and ethereal as they were before coming here, were entirely formed by what I read on her diary. So when I heard from WSU that ICU was one of the places, instinctively, but decidedly not consciously, I felt I had an understanding of what ICU was already. I hope I’ve been able to put across just how uncanny this whole situation truly is.

ICU Rants
ICU Raves
ICU Virtual Tour (End of Summer 2002) Compare to my photos from End of Summer 2006